Archive for March, 2008


Catalog of Good

So, many, many good things have happened recently. I’ve been thinking about them, and the good things that haven’t happened yet but are on the way, and a sense of calm and relaxation spreads over me. While I’m sure bad things happen, I’m truly determined that they don’t happen to me, and I’m more willing to accept the good things that are consistently coming into my life than I previously was.

Why wouldn’t anyone be willing to accept good things into their life? Because often we’re afraid. We might be concerned that it’s a precursor to bad things, or that we don’t deserve it, or that if we allow ourselves to get excited about something and it doesn’t happen, then we’ll be disappointed.

The fact of the matter is that none of that has to be true. I’ve determined that only good things will happen to me. Even bad things will lead to better ones by extension, so I’ll not have to worry about them. I deserve only good things in my life; I’ve earned them. And I’ll enjoy my excitement, and celebrate my good fortune every day. To paraphrase part of Christian Larson’s Optimist’s Creed, “I promise myself I will be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. I will think well of myself and proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds. I will live in faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me.”

Today I feel so sure of the goodness in my life, the friends I have, the wealth I’ve earned, the health I build, and the joy I have the potential to spread. Thank you all who are my friends, as you are the true wealth in my life. Thank you Tivoli for the wonderful gym that I take advantage of on a daily basis. Thank you for the financial stability I’m finally realizing. Thank you for this life that I can use to bring good feelings, warmth, and genuine caring to the world. Thank you for the $20,000 unexpected income I’m receiving by the end of this month. Thank you for the magnificent trips I have planned and the prodigious events that will occur on them.

I feel nothing but gratitude today and endless amounts of joy, and while this update was going to go into other, less cheery subjects, I think I’d rather wish every single one of you the same feelings of joy, abundance, and pure happiness that I’m feeling this very moment. I know many of you are dealing with death, frustration, illness, or any other number of problems, but my intension for all of you is that for at least one minute on this day, you can feel yourself full of light, love, and the assurance that everything can only ever work out perfectly.

All the Love in the Universe,

Kaoru

For those into Astrology

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Schedule problem

Damn, I hate the problems with scheduling. The big Changeling game up here, the one that is most perfect for my character, and I can’t make it because it’s on Easter weekend and I’ll be with my family in South Florida. This was really poor timing on the part of…well, Jesus, I suppose. Maybe I can even blame Moses, as Passover had a lot to do with it as well.

Either way. Will be in South Florida from Friday morning until Sunday afternoon. Anything going on that I can possibly participate in if I can get away from my family for a little while, maybe on Saturday.

This seemed interesting enough

Everyone has things they blog about. Everyone has things they don’t blog about.

Challengeme out of my comfort zone by picking something I don’t blog about, butyou’d like to hear about, and I’ll write a post about it. Ask foranything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings,thoughts on lima beans, favorite type of underwear, writing techniques,etc.

Meme

Alright, this is one I can get behind.

Cut for Friend List Courtesy

Sometimes it just takes a reminder to find that optimistic place again.

Got this as a Sparkpeople mailer today. Just when I needed it. I always get what I need when I need it.

A pocket is no place for a smile.

– Blues Traveler

Letting your optimism out

We all have natural talents and abilities that we bring to any givensituation. Likewise our motivations are usually different as well. Someare motivated by money and success, others by a need for recognition,and still others by the simple satisfaction of doing a good job. Butwhat determines HOW you behave is your attitude. Positive people areoften respected, and others naturally gravitate towards them.Conversely, no one likes being around a chronic downer or someone whocomplains all the time. Next time someone says “Good morning,” reallyembrace the idea! No one can take away the good feelings you haveinside, so let them shine!

I don’t often say stuff like this, especially on LJ, but I’m kinda not great at the moment. I had a fabulous night last night until about 11, just before I had to go to bed. Suddenly, I got this horrible feeling like something was wrong, and it depressed me into a state of insomnia so acute that I couldn’t go to sleep. I simply didn’t want to. And I didn’t want to stay up. I didn’t want to do anything that involved changing what I might have been doing at that very moment, which happened to be sit there and stare at nothing. Around 2am I managed to get to bed and sleep.

This morning I started to swing the other way, but the results of last night’s feelings hit me and knocked me back into a state of fugue with an anxiety chaser. I know it’s unfounded, and will only cause more trouble for me in the near future, but I don’t have the energy to listen to the bouncy music that normally makes me happy, and the only things I really have the will to do are write this, click the button looking for work, and occasionally move my left leg that seems to keep falling asleep no matter what position I leave it in.

I’ll get over this, and when I do I’ll post my normal positive, optimistic, up-beat-type update, but I needed to get this out so I’d be doing something.

Review: 30 Days of Night

So, I just finished watching this film, and I have to say, I’m not that impressed. The look was good, both for the town and the design of the vampires, but the movie just seems so remarkably pointless.

Possible Spoilers Below

Dream plotting

So, I was taking a nap this afternoon, and I had a dream. It was so strange. But it gave me a great idea for a Changeling con plot.

Basically, in the dream, I was running Lost scenes with feralhearted based on this plot. The odd thing was that we were clearly running scenes, but only broke character when I asked if she had really turned on the indecipherable stove in my hotel room since I was going to have a meatball parm sub both in and out of character. When I checked inside the oven, it already had a plastic container of something, and a glass jar of pickled cherry peppers inside, and it was too small (the stove) for those and my sub.

However, the plot we were scening about sounded really fantastic. It has to be a con plot, and it’s practically immersion since the best way to drop clues is during the downtime of the con between games. The only problem is that by creating the plot, I necessarily can’t be a part of it. But it would be extremely awesome in a Film Noir sort of way. A hotel robbery mystery with a Lost twist to it.

The old man driving occasionally flicked his eyes in the rearview mirror from the front of the limo. I thought about closing the divider so I wouldn’t have to see them. I knew that he was looking at me, and I could feel disappointment with every glance, but I couldn’t bring myself to hide from that piercing, wise gaze. I tried to summon the masochist in me to take some enjoyment from this punishment, but years of separating pleasant pain from censure and correction wouldn’t allow me to revel in his sad look like I would under the whip or flail. Instead, I stared at the window as another Turnpike rest stop passed by, trying to convince myself it was the sudden advent of neon in my eyes that made them burn as if I wanted to weep.

I looked over at Gwen in the seat near to me. Fortunately, she wasn’t in much of a mood to talk either, and the way she recoiled from my reassuring hand during the coronation and Johnny’s outburst as if I were one of the fire Elementals that had ransacked the heart of Thornhedge Apartments made it clear that she needed as much space as I did at the moment. I couldn’t even be angry with myself as I mentally berated my poor decision. Anger impelled me to make it in the first place, it seemed wrong to now find refuge in that same foolish emotion.

Earlier in the evening

A good cook is a sorceress who dispenses happiness.

– Elsa Schiapirelli

Saving this one for the future.