So, based on a conversation had this weekend, I’ve spent the past couple of days trying to decipher a comprehensive rule set, but now I think I have blended things nicely.

So, for those who love geekery and debauchery as much as I do, I give you…

Like any good strip game, the rules are relatively simple, but complicated enough that drunk newbies can be cheated out of extra clothing with little effort. Here are the rules:

1. Whenever a player gains a Victory point, all other players must remove an article of clothing.

2. Everything is worth one Victory point. The object is to continue to play until all other players are naked, and multi-point things make the game go too fast.

3. Clothing removal happens immediately after the Victory point is gained.

4. Starting settlement and city don’t count, as it would immediately put everybody down two clothing items. While this gets right to the point, it circumvents the spirit of the game.

5. Longest Road and Merchant are traveling Victory points, and every time they change hands, it once again triggers stripping.

6. Once a person loses all of their clothing, they must continue playing the game naked. You can still get other people’s clothing off, and isn’t that more important than keeping your own clothes on? (See Optional rule #2)

7. When the pirate ship arrives, if there are not enough Knights to defend Catan, the person or persons with the least number of Knights have to remove an article of clothing.

8. The last person with any article of clothing on wins.

All other rules are as per Settlers of Catan, whatever version you’re playing (with expansions or not).

Optional rule #1: For longer games, each Victory point gained, the player who gained it can pick a single other player to remove clothing. As per time constraints, you can also lift Rule 2, and anyone who gets multiple Victory points can have any combination of people remove up to that number of clothing items.

Optional rule #2: Players still playing but naked have to take a sip of something alcoholic as a forfeit when another player gains a Victory point. Other forfeits can be used as well (kisses, dares, make snacks, clean up after the game, whatever makes you happy).

Optional rule #3: Players can trade clothing for Resources or Commodities. Just need two Ore to build two cities and are willing to trade your shirt for it? Go for it.

Example:

Steve, Susan, Jeff, Jane, Patrick, and Sally have decided to play a game of Strip Settlers of Catan. They sit around in a circle, role the dice, and start placing their first settlement and city.

After three rounds, Patrick, looking for the quickest way to get the women naked, upgrades his settlement to a city. Everyone removes a sock except for Patrick, who is very disappointed. However, on Jane’s turn she also upgrades to a city, making the players lose their other sock. Also, due to a good initial placement, she trades in three Linen cards to raise her Commodities book by two. On the next throw, Jeff’s, the event die comes up green, and there’s a one, so Jane gets a card, which she uses on her next turn to place the Merchant and make everyone lose an item of clothing.

A couple of more rounds go by and Steve has made some great inroads against Jane’s early lead, largely because she didn’t wear panties to the game. The black ship is one space away from attacking and Sally, Patrick, and Jane are all tied with no Knights. There aren’t enough Knights to defend Catan, and Steve rolls a black ship on the event die, forcing Sally, Patrick, and Jane to remove a bra, a shirt, and a skirt, respectively. Jane is now naked, but she has to continue playing until the end of the game. Susan’s turn comes up and after she rolls, she asks if anyone has any Wood that she’s willing to trade Wheat for. There is much giggling. Jeff doesn’t need Wheat, but is willing to trade her the Wood if she shows him a breast, or will trade two Wood for her bra. She’s not that desperate and refuses, much to the dismay of everyone at the table. She does, however, have just enough Wood to secure the Longest Road, forcing everyone to strip. Now that Jeff has no pants it is clear that he does, in fact, have two legs.

The game continues in this vein until only Susan and Sally are left with clothes on. Knowing that the pirate ship is about to attack, Sally starts buying Knights and activating them. On Susan’s turn she rolls the black ship. The pirates attack, but are repelled by the Knights of Catan, led by Sally’s forces, giving her a Defender of Catan Victory point. She breathes a sigh of relief since she thinks her bottom looks particularly huge today, as Susan removes her panties and Sally wins the game.

Any questions? Comments? Concerns? Not about my mental state?

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