Why is it that I get annoyed most when I’m reminded of what I can never have? I have just left a situation for good reasons, and I know that I will most likely miss something very interesting because of it. I don’t know what, but something. It bothers me that I can’t be happy and supportive of certain people because of both my past and present. No, this has nothing to do with anyone specifically, but in general there are times when the freedom of others reminds me of the lack of freedom of some, and I cannot help but feel shallow and terrible when I think about it because I know how rediclously stupid it is. Why doesn’t logic overshadow this one? Why is it that I feel I am never in the right place at the right time, and never will be? Why do I lose sleep over this stupid shit at times? I have pondered all of these questions and quite a few more, and I recieve no answer to any of them. I can still think of some of the worst times I’ve missed out, and I know that these occurances wouldn’t have happened if I was there. People see me as a judge of some sort at times, perhaps a priest, and they never just let go in front of me. It’s easy enough with other people, but not with me. Am I no fun? Do people feel obligated to act properly around me? Can’t something interesting happen to me, just once? Not something I’ve set up or planned, just me being where I am when I’m there and not having the trouble of thinking me above these things? This is basically a lot of frustration and baggage coming out, so please don’t take everything seriously. I just hate watching everything fly by me for no other reason, it seems, than it’s me.

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